Everyone's heard it the words and I'm 100% sure that no one believes them. "It's not you, it's me," screams bullshit to even the most naive recipient. What's the most irritating part of that? The self-righteousness of the whole concept, the disrespect of being blatantly lied to, and the fact that you aren't even worth the time for some original material is all insulting. As if ending a relationship isn't bad enough, let's add some cliches in there for good measure!
I overheard (or was I eavesdropping on random people at Starbucks because I still have yet to meet more than a handful of people worthy of being friends? tomato, tamatoh) a bro-ish looking college student saying this to a gorgeous and unsuspecting sorority girl the other afternoon. I gritted my teeth and raised the volume on my Ellie Goulding in the anticipation of tears or a dramatic gesture of some sort but was pleasantly surprised. She blankly looked in his face and basically thanked him for the honesty (in pure sarcasm, is she my little sister?), wished him good luck in the search for a woman that will tolerate his bad habits (I wish she elaborated, I was very intrigued by this), and said that she would appreciate it if he spared her from the rumor mill, as he's the one with the small penis. I don't know this girl but I was proud of her! I was compelled, but resisted, to buy her a beer, give her a hug, and smack her ass as she walked onto Michigan Avenue and exclaim, "go get 'em!!"
In one hell of a roundabout way, the stupidity of his poor selection of words to break up got me thinking. Oh no. "It's not you, it's me," has never been something I could comprehend. An ex-boyfriend of mine would often say something similar when we were in those arguments that dance along the edge of breaking up. If I was the reason I'm breaking up with someone I cared for I would, a) figure my shit out and find out why I suck and, b) let the fully-functioning adult that I'm dating make the decision if they can put up with my crap. Is it my bitching that you work too much that thus makes you unhappy because you do, in fact, spend too much time at the office? Then it's not you, it's my nagging. Come on. Why can't anyone be blunt, doesn't the person you've dated for x-amount of time (2 years?) deserve some constructive criticism or at least honesty as they swiftly get pushed out of your life? Yes. In a perfect world, every relationship of mine would conclude with an exit interview so I can learn from the infinite mistakes I make, spend some time on my neuroses and always do that one thing in bed that got you every time. This is probably yet another reason I'm single but, hey, I'm a nerd. So what if I like to analyze data and make myself better for it? :)
I'm only 24 so of course some of my views on relationships are immature, perhaps a little strange and most definitely the reason I struggle to find someone with similar values. Unless there are very upsetting circumstances, I don't understand why break ups are usually so toxic. Say you spend two years with this person that you're ending things with, one would assume that those are some of the best years of your life, right? You and whoever probably know each other well enough to know when they're lying through their teeth, no? Then why lie about the break up? Lying is too much work. I'd rather hear, "Lady, your quirks, psychotic family, and weird tribe of gay men are way too much for me to handle. Good luck, smell ya later gorgeous," than something pulled out of air. It's the need for closure, people, and it's important for post-breakup sanity. Just going on a date that you thought was incredible only to never hear from the guy again is a bummer but have you ever been dumped abruptly when you think things are going well? It's rough!
How will I avoid my next and inevitable, "It's not you, it's me," talk? I don't know. What I do know is that the darling 19 year old Starbucks girl reminded me of the feisty side of me that I sometimes lose when I'm hurt by someone I care for and put a lot of work into being around. I like the fireball (not the whiskey, that's trouble!) that doesn't take any shit and she will certainly be around as I try and fail to navigate the Chicago dating scene.
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