Supers

After discussing superpowers with the aforementioned Hot Canadian on one of our flights, my best friend/gay love of my life and I were trying to determine what our superpowers would be, as our identities.

LOW AND BEHOLD : This buzzfeed article.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/louispeitzman/20-superheroes-with-useless-powers

See: #3 Rainbow Girl and #4 Color Kid.

#3 : Pretty eyes, wild hair, an underwhelming small chest for a supergirl and unpredictable mood swings. HELLO!!! That is me in a nutshell. Yes, it's sexist, though hilarious. Also, it notes that she is very charming. I'm very sweet and engaging. I'm like a Sour Patch Kid ; sweet and sour. One minute I'll cut your hair off and the next I'll bat my eyelashes and ask for a hug. The fact that I'm constantly surrounded by incredible men that are into the same gender that I am also supports my identity as Rainbow Girl. 

#4 : His "talent" seems pretty useless and with the exception of constant redecorating or fashion designing, I cannot comprehend the purpose of this hero. Does he save little boys from being color blind or go into the nearest Starbucks with a hideous color scheme and make it pretty again? Who knows. However,the description for Color Kid is that the world is prettier with him in it. I can say the same about my friend (don't tell him I said that. Color Kid, if you're reading this, YOU ARE AN OX!).

BONUS ROUND!!

#2 Dazzler. She is a chesty, Britney-Madonna-Ke$ha looking sexpot and loves to get her twerk on. This bitch is oozing fabulousness from her pores and cleavage-baring, sparkly ensemble. If only she had a taller weave, she would be a dead-ringer for my Dancing Queen, DJ Poodle. If DJ Poodle could convert light into dance music, my hometown would forever be in a blackout. I mean blackout in both senses: constant drunken stage of forgetfulness as well as sans light.

#12 Gin Genie, is the combination of the three of us combined. We truly do some serious damage due to our blood-alcohol content. These BAC-induced powers are related to our dancing, obviously, and any/all damage done to our lives by vodka-redbulls, $2 long islands and god-knows-what-else that we consume.