In somewhat of a social experiment, I decided to create a free profile on OKCupid. My roomie has a profile, and a Grindr, and everything else, so I thought I would see what this online scene is like from an anthropological stand point. Does this sound cruel, pathetic, or bored? Possibly. So, since moving to Chicago, I've become a desperate housewife and needed something to fill my time. What better than hopefully make a couple of new friends and see where it goes? Well, I quickly found out that there are a lot of things that are better than that; getting off on the Wilson stop on the Redline and nearly falling through the rotting wooden floors, getting "holla'ed" at while on the phone with my grandmother, or getting lost for an hour downtown in my three inch, $200 Pella Mode stilettos.
Sure, I exchanged messages with a couple of cute, seemingly sane men and women, but a majority of my inbox was filled with demeaning, offensive, or just plain hilarious messages. I've listed a few of my favorites below. Also, just to put this into perspective, this all occurred within a 48 hour time slot. And, I slightly altered the usernames of these men. I won't even include the three messages I received from women.
Catchoftheday
Let's be serious, you definitely had someone help you write your profile. And
did you really transform into a straight up carnivore, or do you still enjoy
the occasional veggie?
Why would someone help me write this? I
can't be pretty and have the intellectual ability to create an engaging
profile? Asshole.
YourHero
You're cute who are you & how come you're not my girlfriend?
Where to start.....
MuscleTwitch
Hi, my name is Kyle. I think you are cute, and I think you might possess
the intellectual capacity to keep up in witty social banter.
I have to ask, do you really have narcolepsy? I am a Paramedic and have never
come across that in "the wild" so to speak. Do you have a helmet?!? I
mean that in a playful fashion; in my opinion have to be able to give and take
playfulness and sarcasm.
I'm not a fucking science project! He sounds like a robot right?
AssholeVA
Wow you are probably the most beautiful woman ive seen on this site...
Lol, I'm sure that's a copy/paste message
BaronFan
Hey u caught my eye & i think u'r cute...& i'd be a little angry with
myself for not saying hi ;) which made me wonder how many hearts have you
broken already?
One, if we're counting yours.
Becks
Top of the morning Joni,
Given your ravishing smile, abundance of confidence and charm, and recent
relocation to Chicago I am certain you're inundated with messages... the fact
that some of them think psychology is the science of reading thoughts is a wee
bit disheartening.
That being said, and I hope this isn't much too forward of me... but I think
you are absolutely bloody gorgeous and seem quite lovely.
I'd adore a chance to get to know you a bit.
What??
Annnnnnd my personal favorite,
WhiteRabbit
hello beautiful joni you're really cute. im Nick,
whats your name hun? From what i read you strike me as a very kind girl, and
fun. i like how easy going you seem, you know, not so hard to please. i like
that.
and im pretty open about doing whatever, and not such a
hard person to please either.. sounds like we'd get along pretty well. i just
like to enjoy the moment, you know.. sometimes
just sitting outside on a nice day watching the tree's blow in the breeze,
pleases me enough i also have to say you have such
GORGEOUS eyes you've got a really cute face, very sexi especially your lips,
they look quite yummy haha! are you a good kisser? ;P i would love to chill
some time, come check me out and let me know whats up? would love to hear from
you
Holy mother of god.
Lord help me. If this is what my selection process will be, please consider
me forever single. How many of the deadly sins can I commit before I'm
out of the running to become a nun? Like three of seven or what? Needless to say, I think my time on a dating site will remain a simple social experiment conducted by the psychology nerd inside of me. For the record, my account has long since been deleted. Too horrifying!
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