The title is pretty self-explanatory. Take notes. Because I work in a bar, at a golf course and generally interact with a lot of oddballs, this will be a regular topic here.
I know what I want, I know what I don't like and I don't like to be told by what is usually a stranger what I should be doing differently.
This specific post is strictly regarding the members at the golf course I've been slinging drinks to over the summer. I've come to love these men in the way that Tom Cruise loves Rainman; they have good hearts, make me laugh until I cry, and I spend more time with them than anyone else. The average member at the Valley is in or around his 40's, has been a member for longer than I've had a period and is married to a saint of a woman. So, naturally, the men of the Valley are the ones that ask me the questions that no twenty-four year old, recently single, and hot mess of a woman wants to hear. The worst part is that the questions are good natured and meant as compliments. Case in point: the most offensive question that I get asked on a semi-regular basis.
Why are you still single?
This question is the tired topic of countless Cosmopolitan magazine articles, ThoughtCatalog posts, randoms I follow on Twitter and conversations between close friends. I cannot describe the hatred I have for this question. I typed it into Google and had two types of results: catty responses for the question and ways to not be single. I don't know which is more irritating to me. The first, the sassy replies to this question, is annoying mostly because the responses are cheesy and imply that the person doesn't want to be single. Ways to not be single simply so you can avoid the "why are you single," prose seems ridiculous to me as well. Does it not occur to anyone that some people prefer this life?
I had been asked this many times before the specific night a member of the Valley, Roy, posed the same old question and I truly realized how offended I was. My response prior to this point was simply, "because I want to be single," which would usually lead to a conversation about my semirecent breakup, my priorities of career, family and friends, and that I don't want to settle for someone just so I can be in a relationship.
So, Roy had some follow up questions to my response. In his best Dr. Phil impression, he decided that I'm single because I want a gay man as a boyfriend and that I'll continue to be alone as long as I spend a majority of my free time with queens. I let Roy know that I love my gays and would never date someone that wasn't supportive and friends with them as well, but despite the fact that they're fabulous friends, I don't want a femme man as a boyfriend. I told the Roy and the rest of the crew that had began to join in that I like manly guys; athletic and active, intelligent in a slightly intimidating way, and that I feel safe with. Yes, yes, those things are important, but so is an open mind and big enough heart to be pals with my lady-boys, as they WILL be involved in my wedding - no ifs, ands or buts!
The rest of the still ongoing discussion about my eternally single life consisted of the Valley boys telling me why I'm wrong. They see me with a "pretty boy," citing my last boyfriend because he had good hair. I pointed out that he was a Republican that was addicted to work and the gym and he dressed very well with some (lots of) help from me, and yes, he had amazing hair thanks to our incredible and shared hair stylist. He was right for me in many ways, and wrong in more. The Wednesday night crew has gotten almost a complete run down of each and every one of my exes, what was good about them and why we broke up. I've been a three month long case study for these guys.
Also part of this discussion is projects. Roy specifically likes to point out certain guys and or types of guys and how that would be "good with a lot of direction," or "potentially great husbands." UGH!! I know that in my younger years, as with any girl, bad boys are hot. Your mom hates them, which makes them sexier, they make you try something you wouldn't normally do, whether it's drugs, skydiving or some BDSM shit, and they allow for you to be the wild version of yourself and encourage it. Everyone has had this "relationship," and maybe one was enough or, perhaps ten years later, you're still dating this guy. Idiot. Girls want bad boys that need changing and will be a project. Women want a mature man. You know, the ones that aren't afraid of commitment. Not as in the $150k emerald cut diamond ring I tried on at Cartier in Vegas, but like an apartment with real furniture and a mattress that isn't on the floor. Post of my true dating requirements, expectations and deal-breaks to come shortly.
These guys are lucky I adore them, otherwise I would leave work feeling shitty about myself and they would run from the golf course with my tiny hand print across their cheeks. As my time with the Valley guys comes to an end, I hope that my case study offers some conclusive results. If they can crack the code to why I'm still single, then they are truly worth their weight in ProV1x golf balls.
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