Why aren't you on Match.com? This is why.

Because I've historically had poor luck choosing my own dates, perhaps I should let an online algorithm select a date for me. Yes, I've considered it but I'm not interested in pursuing a profile anytime soon after Cherry's recent run-in (see Bow-fishing). Also holding me back is the list below that would likely end up on my profile page, thus scaring the crap out of any man or woman browsing the site. This is real life people!

Everyone loves to play Match Maker. I, personally, am intrigued by Patty Stanger and watch Millionaire Matchmaker religiously - though I rarely admit to it. So, two darling coworkers of mine both said they would love to set me up. These ladies asked what I'm into and what are dealbreakers. I told them to expect a detailed email shortly. I think they they thought I was joking. Well, the joke was on them because they received this in their Facebook inbox:

 Likes: 
Education (duh) - usually someone smarter than me but not judgy of my flightiness! Ambition is a total panty-dropper. 
 Independence - or at least respects mine so they don't become clingy and drive me nuts. 
Family oriented. 
HOBBIES. I don't care if it's geeky, sporty or creepy (okay, maybe not creepy) but something they're passionate about. 
MUST LOVE GAYS. 
Basic Social Skills. Outgoing, extroverted personality. I like a good date to events; not someone that's a whiny brat if I leave a table to say hi to a friend. Fun friends. As you know, I love having a good time and I'm a blabberbox.
Confidence. So sexy. 
Spontaneity. 
Then the usual boring stuff; thoughtful, appreciative, not a douche. Blah blah.

Dislikes: 
Bible Thumpers. We discussed this. 
Stage 5 Clingers. 
Party poopers. 
Not a fan of video gamers (except FIFA), WOWers, or other stupid things that 14 year olds do in their basement between watching pornos. 
Arrogance. 
Ignorance. 
Rudeness. 
Fratastic man-whores. 

Ten minutes later followed by:

ADDED:
Dislike: Guys that play games. Or that text too much. Annoying.

Another five minutes later: 
 
Like: Twins that run in the family. 

I realize that there's a lot going on there. I would apologize but, as the saying goes, SORRY NOT SORRY. I won't apologize for knowing what it is that I want and what will send me running for the hills. I have gone on my fair share of bad dates, been involved in not so great relationships and have had some very erratic men and women pursue me. These reasons make me solid in the above items. I don't believe in "types," I despise the "out of your league," mentality, and will try anything once, but the above list is more of a guideline, rule of thumb, instruction manual, than a checklist. I'm pretty amazing, but I highly doubt that when I meet my straight soulmate I will be everything that's on his list... that's why an open mind, a Summer of Yes, and a need for a free drink is always important when dating.